Hell, and Back!

It was eight:forty in the morning about twenty minutes before work would begin. I awoke feeling greasy, and disgusting. I felt trapped in a world of dreams, and reality, desperately trying to get up feeling so tired. So desperately not wanting to go to work, and dreading being shit on by the general manager Bento.

I knew that I had to do this. To make money to hopefully go to the arts to fill my emptiness, and my void. I knew that despite the pain it may entail, I need it to enjoy life to some degree, to make the emptiness, and sadness of life feel worth it, and fulfilling to hopefully survive in the future.

As I looked at myself in disgust, and got my dirty filthy shirt on for work put my mask on. Put my shoes on in a sluggish pace with a profound desire to collapse on my bed. I got out the door, in need to arrive on time, I realized it was already eight:fifty-nine, time was slipping out of my hand as I began leaving for the ten minute journey.

I then rushed to “Mars Burgers & Bars” in the freezing cold weather that violently pressed on me, and the sharpness of cold weather felt like a blade slowly chipping at me. I just thought to myself, “Samatha, you idiot why didn’t you dress properly” with much awkwardness, and anger.

As I walked close to the restaurant, I realized that Bento was in today with the music blasting from the outside. As I came in feeling horrible, and so sleepy. Then Bento as usual is so difficult expressed in rage, and annoyance proclaiming, “You gotta speed things up bit more. Your good kid, but my dead grandma is faster than you”. And then went to attend same tedious task as I increasingly became sleepier thinking that I shouldn’t have stayed up binging “The Cat Sex” trilogy

I then went to try get keys, and towels to clean the bathroom from Bento, he was growling, grumpy, and just difficult. So I went to go to whatever I can do at the restroom with a ghastly smell coming from within a smell that pierced my nose, and made me want to die. To crumble into ball, but I swept up various pieces of toilet paper that scattered across the room, and cleaned mirrors meticulously, and in much frustration.

Then finally went back to see if my general manager would give me the towel, and keys he finally did in rage, and anger! Calling me, lazy, and going on a whole tangent. Then I went to clean bathroom, and danced around like a goofball weirdo, then got depressed as I thought about my own failure of a life. It was all so tedious, and dull.

Then went out to sweep a parking lot, and all trash scattered about, it was tedious, and tiresome. It just resembled me an empty abyss of nothingness, and a land of no future. A world where hope doesn’t exit, and place as lonely as I. It was sad, and made me feel all more emptier.

Then I went in hoping to God that Bento would allow me to do the dishes so I could at least get three to four hours of work in. As I anxiously went up to him with my hand shielding my face, and me trembling like a man looking into the eye’s of satan, he then just calmly with tinge of violent irritation said, “ Get move on it!”. I went cleaning up piles of dirty containers with flower stuck on, then dirty bowls that were used to cook meats, and queso, just all types of dirty gross shit! It was tedious, and tiresome but not that exhausting I got lost in my thoughts thinking of “Cat Threesome”, and the festive Spanish musics the cooks blasted was pleasant to the ears plus they were generous enough to offer tacos which I ate thinking “Damn, what an ungrateful asshole I am”.

Then I sipped cold soda, and pretended to clean even though I was finished just so my hours could fit to four. Then all of suddenly people come in, I hope to God there isn’t more than sizable group of people because I wasn’t wanting to be ass kicked today especially on day when Bento was working, and work a long unreasonable hours, especially not after getting my ass handed to me the previous day.

Then suddenly stacks of cheese fries plates, dishes, and dirty containers come upon me. I hope to get them all cleaned, and wiped before all is too late. But the slow, and tedious poor washing machine is as slow as those who endure eternal torments of hell! Cleans dishes like the a man slowing crawling out of eternal pits of hell! Then suddenly wave of dishes come, more come upon me, suddenly my heart is pounding violently, and I am unable to breath.

I stand putting dishes in rack without an end. Imagining worse of my general manager coming to shit, and terrorize me saying things like how is dead grandma would been faster than me, how is ten year old daughter is superior, how I am toll on the cooks, how I am disrespecting him and making vague threats about firing me as he done for past few months. I just imagined his terrifying eyes, and face, and raw anger in his voice.

My mind thought of the worse as the dishes were getting so overwhelming, and people were clamoring for cups, and utensils what to do, my mind thought! Dishes after dishes came in, and I had no one to help me. Time passed it felt excruciating, and horror only worsen when I looked out to see that it was still packed even around two clock in the afternoon!

Then suddenly my general manager comes in fueling with rage, and anger says in violent voice, “ Why is this all such mess! If only you would just listen to me! Keep these dishes organized, my dead grandma who’s sadly no longer around is faster than you! Like excuse my French, what the fuck, you need to speed this up, I am getting just about tired of dealing with this”, and then I follow it up in quivering voice, “But it’s impossible to keep up with all this work! I am trying to make sure all it’s clean, and this machine takes it time”, and then he follows it up, “Stop back talking me”, then I quiver, “I am not”, then he just does an angry stair that had an eyes of an violent predator looking down their prey as he walks off.

I am full of sadness, anger, and injustice I just want tell Bento to go fuck off! But I feel worthless, and lost for words, I think maybe he’s right, maybe I am to blame. That it is at the core all my fault, and that I am living in a world lost of delusions, and lies, I think who is to believe as I try to clean all these dishes, I am to blame for how my life turned out.

Then finally someone comes to help. But it only turns out they are there to merely stack dishes up, and to add piles of more cups. I just sit their in terror hoping I won’t get fired, and hoping today, my general manager doesn’t mean it. I am overwhelmed, and I can barely breathe.

As I clean with dirty food getting all over me, water, and getting further dirty. Dishes just stack, and stack! There’s no more space to put dishes, so I dart around busy kitchen to get beside busy cooks exclaiming in way that attempts to be polite, “Excuse me, behind”, and I am overwhelmed. Dribbling with exhaustion.

Then finally someone comes to my aid after hours of horror, and terrorization. It was like angelic saint coming to my aid, and picking me after being burned, and mutilated alive for hours. It felt so pleasing, and as if I could finally take a breath from all the relentless terror over the past few hours.

Finally nightmare was over, and cooks generously gave me some food to go. But I still thought, lord, I will have to experience this all again. Go through all pain, and all torment. I just stood there as I was walking just wishing I could be successful artists but realizing that it’ll never be just stared outside that resembled my future a world of nothingness!